@Jojothegoodperson I pretty well understand what it is: it's not worth the problems it can cause. you can cuddle for 48 hours and be restored for whatever nightmare might come, but sex is simply feeding the most primitive forces in your mind. Do you know what I miss about having a girlfriend? Texting stupid shit until 3am. Feeling safe and valuable. Knowing if I slip there's someone to catch me. Talking in an unspeakable language only we understood. Not even thinking about the fact this could ever end.
I can never forgive her for destroying this, but I could never forgive myself for not being able to see my mistakes, even today. I'm blind and lost. I'm weak and disgusting.