Another joke:

At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books, he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every few years they send us a free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these matzo purchases around Passover? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. Deciding to be a smartass about it, he continued, "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every few years they send us a free box of matzos."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick."

One of these days, I am going to find myself in yet another mundane occurrence in which somebody gives me shit, and I'll be done. No more masks, no more compliance with social convention. Just brutal honesty, snark, and indifference as to whatever the freak show known as "society" may think of me.

A couple jokes I found:

Descartes receives his first royalty check from Meditations on First Philosophy, in which he says, "I think, therefore I am." He goes to the pub to celebrate. The bartender asks if he just wants the usual. Descartes responds, "I think not!"—and promptly disappears.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a pub. They proceed to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they're about to enjoy their creamy beverage, a fly lands in each of their pints and gets stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushes his beer away from him in disgust. The Irishman fishes the offending fly out of his beer and continues drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Scotsman, too, picks the fly out of his drink, holds it out over the beer and then starts yelling: "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"

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