I don't talk to other people, I just stay in my home all day long. It's been like this for years. You guys are all I got.
@opal I'm scared to, I'm scared of random events, and I'm scared of groups of normies
Just go outside and breath in the fresh air for a bit
@prouddegenerate @opal Ok just went into my front yard to breathe, I got anxious and went back in.
and this is coming from me, the king of being anxious and panicking
@opal @prouddegenerate I have the irrational fear that if I'm not under cover, I am exposed and vulnerable to attack, and that's too risky for me. I know normal people aren't like this, I know I used to not be like this.
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate It changed after my ex threatened me with inprisonment and abandonment after I confessed to him that I was very depressed and didn't want to live anymore, and that I wanted help talking about these feelings. He started screaming, said "I've LOST people!!!", and then told me to "Get the fuck out". I was blindsided. I was shattered. And then I was filled with hate and anger, and the sense that no matter who I meet they will betray me.
did you ever talk about it with anyone else after this? i imagine not, but i ask cause the response you might have gotten could be different, and that might restore some faith in you
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I talked to my mom about it recently, and that helped, but no one else.
do you think this sense of anxiety at just being outside is something you can like
train against
slowly increasing little times outside, even just in your backyard
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate Yea, I've trained myself into things before, so I can, I just have to get hope again, a goal to fight for, and I'll be out there. But I just don't see any goals. Everything I want, I'm not allowed to have, so I just stand still, motionless in life, waiting for authority to give me permission to live again.
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I suppose you're right
or the like. idk, brains are weird, specially when trying to look past your own blinders and self-manipulate
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I feel powerless and need to figure out a way to get my feeling of power back without dominating and controlling another, because while that would probably work it would invalidate my moral standing. It would be wrong.
@opal @tarperfume @prouddegenerate taking time, energy, and money, and spending it to give kids in need blankets and toothbrushes and toys last week made me feel powerful
good job dude, helping out and all.
It gives you something to control, something you can do and learn at your own pace, and you won't have to dominate or command other people
But you can't do this if you can't move past your overwhelming anxiety and trauma
i feel like something snapped off inside of me this year
it's like a degree of anhedonia i've never felt before, nothing excites me, nothing seems worth working towards. i have the motivation to mostly keep myself alive as long as the sailing remains as smooth as it is right now, but if i had to start fighting harder for things i'd probably just lay down and rot
