STOP BEING NICE TO PEOPLE WHO ANNOY YOU
IF SOMEONE ANNOYS YOU, AND THEY WON'T STOP, AND THEY KEEP ANNOYING YOU, MAKE A THREAT!!
IF THEY KEEP ANNOYING YOU, FOLLOW THROUGH ON THE THREAT!
IF THEY KEEP ANNOYING YOU, INCREASE THE SEVERITY OF YOUR RESPONSE!
YOU'RE WELCOME, STOP GETTING RAPED.
IT CAN BE AS SIMPLE AS SPREADING A RUMOR, YOUR THREAT COULD BE THAT YOU WILL TELL EVERYONE BAD SHIT ABOUT THEM.
IT COULD BE A LIE, A SIMPLE "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID", INSINUATING YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO, A GOOD POKER FACE CAN SCARE SOMEONE SHITLESS.
AND IF THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE BANTZ AND PUT YOU IN A SELF DEFENSE SITUATION, JUMP WITH JOY, BECAUSE YOU NOW HAVE FREE LEASE!
I saw someone speak about their experience being abused sexually and it made me so mad that they let it happen, because they didn't have the confidence to stop it. It wasn't violent it was manipulation. So I want ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO STOP IT! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THE COOD BLOOD NECESSARY TO STAND UP TO TYRANNY, NO MATTER THE FORM IT TAKES, SMALL OR LARGE, BIG OR LITTLE, SMASH IT WITH ALL THE LEGAL MEANS AT YOUR DISPOSAL, SHOW NO MERCY, SHOW NO REMORSE, MAKE THEM CRY, MAKE THEM POUT, MAKE THEM STOMP THEIR FEET, AND PRAY THEY THROW A PUNCH SO YOU CAN BITE THEIR FUCKING FINGERS OFF WHO CARES IF YOU DIE IN THE PROCESS BITE THOSE FUCKING FINGERS OFF AND GOUGE THOSE FUCKING EYES, DEEP GOUGE, GOUGE, HOOK, AND RIP, GOUGE, HOOK, AND RIP!!!!!
@clora It's all fun and games until the discard. Narcissists always discard. If you're doing things you don't want to do because you think it'll get you love, and then the love never comes, that's painful.
im totally fine now, but yeah, that one played itself out
tbh though most of the people who conditioned me to conflate emotional abuse and affection in the way I do now couldn't fairly be characterized as narcissists, & certainly didn't "discard" me in most cases in that sense
@clora The discard is emotional not literal, first comes love bombing, then devaluation, then abuse, and finally discard.
@clora Interesting, how would you characterize your abusive partners? You said they're not narcissistic, so what were they?
Our categories and narratives outline common trends and general warning signs to look for, and those are a useful first-order approximation of the world, but ultimately individual interactions need to be accounted for individually, and at that point trying to squish the situation into a specific label rather than dealing directly with the situation does more harm than good.
@clora @formication See my longer post. I get it, I just disagree. What is a moment? What is a person? What is time? We do not have answers, yet it is not useless to grasp regardless, at defining and making sense of the world.
@clora @formication You know that if you can't explain something simply, you don't really understand it yourself, you're just arguing to argue, imo
therefore, using that class as a tool for analysis of the form/structure of a concrete thing that is chaotic, i.e. wherein small perturbations lead to significant outward changes, is a mistake if one claims anything more complex than that the concrete thing has membership in the class.
this is not a complicated idea and if you can't wrap your head around it there's nothing i can do to help you.
@clora @formication You could use metaphor and allegory but you are too emotionally and/or imaginatively incompetent. No offense.
I'll take a stab at it.
When looking at large amounts of data, finding trends can be helpful. When you're looking at individual situations, insisting on fitting them to the trends leaves out a lot of information. And in those individual situations, sometimes that information really matters.
Imagine there's a cat that's missing a leg. Insisting on labeling any given abuser as a narcissist (and from there making assumptions about their personality or behavior) is the equivalent of looking at the animal, saying, "Besides the missing leg, that looks like a cat, so it falls into the category of cat," and then saying, "This creature is a cat, and cats have four legs, therefore this creature must have four legs."
@formication @clora I see now, I didn't mean to imply the very specific meanings I think you're seeing were...I don't think we define these terms the same way, I think every human being is a narcissist except for those with... different brains, unusual brains, downies and such, everyone else has a streak, what I mean to say when I say narcissism, is, overly codependent, overly controlling, overly agressive, all these things could be caused by completely opposite circumstances in two individuals, and also the word "overly" is very vague, because as said there is a lot of grey out there in the world, and so when I say someone is a "narcissist" I mean that they are OVERLY narcissistic, they are so narcissistic that it leads them to commit paterns of abuse, consciously or subconsciously, and I know that everyones morals and perceptions are different, and so what one considers abuse another may consider helpful or kind. Locking someone up in a ward for example. Some see this as unacceptable, a violation of consent. Others see consent as irrelevant when it comes to behavioral "correction". Who is right? Well there is no god, there is no right or wrong, these things are metaphorical, everything is simply nothing more than taste. If I say rape is evil, and evil does not really exist, I obviously mean to say "rape, to me, is distasteful" (so distasteful in fact that it drives violent impulses in my mind), but to say that it is literally evil would be wrong. It is metaphorically evil, meaning that I find it distasteful. People who know what they do is "evil", they only know that others find it distasteful, they wouldn't have done what they did if they themselves had, in that moment, found it distasteful as well. So I don't believe in the tragic victim monster who couldn't help themselves, I see only humans and monsters, my sympathy for violators has dried up.
taxonomic categories exist to describe trends, they aren't universals or some sort of transcendental category from which things proceed
telling someone to apply a specific descriptive label as a prescriptive interpretive tool over their own life events is just a category mistake. you're using the tool for the wrong thing.