When I was a kid I was rapecrazy, all my fantasies involved rape, until I was like 18 and then I chilled out. I think getting laid helped. My first time was the complete opposite of what my urges promoted, I was totally submissive, I waited for her to take the lead and then did what she wanted. I think that I'm very codependent. I need my partners approval and admiration. I need approval and admiration from anyone, but the more I trust and value them the more valuable their admiration will be.