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I don't feel comfortable with a boyfriend who doesn't feel comfortable with me calling him a disgusting faggot but lovingly. I have such urges to call people I find attractive disgusting pigs. I think it's because I have to devalue them to feel safe or something, I didn't used to be like this but then partners betrayed my trust.
And I hate it because this is literally how my exs were they would call me disgusting faggot and shit without asking and it made me feel awful.