Oh and I just realized It's not because I'm HOT that that 7 out of 10 hottie with a beautiful smile hit on me today, it's because I shoved 3 valium down my gullet before going out, and I was friendly and in a good mood, and I wasn't oogling her so sh flirted with me a little and I didn't get flustered, and then she did it even harder as like a tease and I took it in such smitten stride that she's probably fantasizing about me being the father to her children now. Sadly she doesn't know that's only me when the mask is on, and I can't maintain that, and after about and hour or two I need to go home and either cry, get high or drunk as fuck and zonk out to a screen story or a vidya, or fap, or do repetitive insane toxic masculinity shit like saw wood until my hands bleed and then burn then wood and then frantically saw more wood to put on the fire before it goes out and then staying up for days doing this and stinking of smoke and when I finally shower the water that rinses off my hair comes out brown. /vent /needferalgf /onmylevel