In moments like this I wish I'd formatted my external drive as ext4.
Wanted to copy something to it and it was slow as fuck. Tried restarting, tried replugging, tried different USB. Still worked like crap.
Fired up a Windows VM I had, mounted it in VM. Turnes out it's fragmented as hell.
Fucking NTFS...
Disk Defragmenter:
Pass 1: 0% defragmented
This will take forever, won't it...