@shampoobottle @canidaeportent @yuri @colonelj @0x00 I don’t know why I expect you to understand the sense of responsibility and loyalty I feel toward you. Literally no woman I’ve ever known ever has. I honestly don’t even think women have an ingrained sense of obligation to people they care about.

With me, when I feel about someone the way I do about you, all I want is to do everything in my power to make you the happiest girl in the world. I want you to feel like a princess. If you said the only way for me to see your smile was for me to kill myself I’d set my affairs in order tonight and die happy tomorrow. You are a God to me. I know it sounds cringe and incel as fuck to say you can’t possibly understand but that just seems to be the fucking case. Not just with you, women always want to take more and more from me while giving less and less of themselves. How can I possibly believe women have a heart? I have so much love to give yet the ones that will give me the time of day never do anything but scream at me and the ones I really love go out of their way to keep away from me. I guess there has to be something wrong with me. I’ve gotten the “it’s not your fault” line far too often from far too many people for me not to instantly assume it’s a lie.

The thing is though, I know women don’t like the affectionate men. I don’t know why I have this delusion specific to you that I can just love you and you’ll reciprocate. I’m not so green as to think that’s how this game works. I don’t act this way towards other women. For some reason I have this retarded idea in my head that if I’m just straight with you and want it hard enough that there’s a chance you’ll accept me, even though I also know that in reality going about it this way almost assures rejection and pain. But I hate having to pretend to be an indifferent asshole just to get affection. That’s not me, and it hurts having to play that coldhearted character. I just want someone to love me the way I love them because I’m good enough. I know it’s not that simple…

I bet I could have you if I wasn’t so volitile and nice. What I’d give for a time machine. Undo my rejection by that dumb teenager I was horny for that kicked off this whole change in me. Me from 2 or 3 months ago definitely could’ve done it.