@xianc78 @ryo College is a gigantic waste of time. And all of education is meant to blind you to the possibilities that exist. You get out of school knowing absolutely nothing but school, so you can't imagine possibilities that don't involve school, and the adults in your life aren't going to tell you because they're worthless morons, most of them are evil too. In my case, I was fucking forced to go to college by my family (that I hate and would like to throw in a meat grinder) after the first year.
And I had no idea what else to do. I don't get society and I never did, I don't know how to do things, everything that I tried to do was a goddamn bureaucratic nightmare that I could not deal with, everyone is a fucking incompetent piece of shit, there are no people anywhere to ask anything, there are no people to talk to in general. Everything that should be simple takes a dozen fucking pointless steps, and by the time I was halfway done with those, I couldn't handle the stress and would melt down and not be able to do anything for at least two or three months.
It's a nightmare, I just gave up on everything. I decided that life was worthless and that everything good was fake and a lie, and that other people were not worth interacting with, that nothing in this world was actually worth doing, and that I was basically just going to wait for death. When I managed to break out of that (after I figured out how to make the panic attacks stop happening), and then figure out a plan, the plan quickly became impossible, and now I have been waiting for two fucking years. At least I did improve a lot and learn a lot of stuff in all these years, and was able to overcome most of my limitations. But still, as far as the physical world goes, nothing has been done.
Hell, physically, my life is worth than ever. Half of my shit is broken, I lost a shitload of the money that I do have to inflation and it's evaporating right now as I type this and I don't do anything about it because even thinking about doing anything with money makes my head almost explode with stress. Also, I know the future, and I know that I'll probably end up being a homeless wanderer and either starve to death or die of disease, or die fighting the cops. So, I just want the stagnation to end. I know that I'm going to die with nothing and probably alone, and that I'll be lucky to have any positive effect on the world at all, but I don't want it to be living this same life.
If life is just pointless suffering, I at least want it to be a little bit of an adventure of pointless suffering. I don't want to rot to death in this room (with no internet, because that will be taken away soon), I want to go to different places and do different things and then get torn to pieces by a drone's machinegun. Maybe beat some people half to death for being the cause of all my problems. Maybe get electrocuted and vaporized doing crazy Tesla shit. Maybe go to that cursed mountain in Vermont and get eaten by the cursed rocks that make people disappear. Maybe set myself on fire to make a point, just to inform people of just how much I fucking despite them.
Anything but THIS. Fuck THIS. If life is going to be shit no matter what, I want it to at least be shit in a new, fresh and interesting way, not in a shitty small room full of broken crap that I can't fix because I don't have the space for tools, and won't be able to move them later anyway.
@ryo @TerminalAutism I mean in hindsight, I should've just gotten an IT Certification somewhere but I didn't even know those things existed at the time.