My older ex: You're polyamorus
Me: No I'm not, I'm monogamous
My older ex: That's not healthy, you'll be happier being polyamorus
Me: That's fine for you to think that, but I disagree
My older ex: It's not something I think it's the truth
Me: Dude, I've been respectful so far
My older ex: *smugUMADface*

He loved his own farts