STOP BEING NICE TO PEOPLE WHO ANNOY YOU
IF SOMEONE ANNOYS YOU, AND THEY WON'T STOP, AND THEY KEEP ANNOYING YOU, MAKE A THREAT!!
IF THEY KEEP ANNOYING YOU, FOLLOW THROUGH ON THE THREAT!
IF THEY KEEP ANNOYING YOU, INCREASE THE SEVERITY OF YOUR RESPONSE!
YOU'RE WELCOME, STOP GETTING RAPED.

IT CAN BE AS SIMPLE AS SPREADING A RUMOR, YOUR THREAT COULD BE THAT YOU WILL TELL EVERYONE BAD SHIT ABOUT THEM.
IT COULD BE A LIE, A SIMPLE "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID", INSINUATING YOU KNOW MORE THAN YOU DO, A GOOD POKER FACE CAN SCARE SOMEONE SHITLESS.
AND IF THEY CAN'T HANDLE THE BANTZ AND PUT YOU IN A SELF DEFENSE SITUATION, JUMP WITH JOY, BECAUSE YOU NOW HAVE FREE LEASE!

I saw someone speak about their experience being abused sexually and it made me so mad that they let it happen, because they didn't have the confidence to stop it. It wasn't violent it was manipulation. So I want ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO STOP IT! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO HAVE THE COOD BLOOD NECESSARY TO STAND UP TO TYRANNY, NO MATTER THE FORM IT TAKES, SMALL OR LARGE, BIG OR LITTLE, SMASH IT WITH ALL THE LEGAL MEANS AT YOUR DISPOSAL, SHOW NO MERCY, SHOW NO REMORSE, MAKE THEM CRY, MAKE THEM POUT, MAKE THEM STOMP THEIR FEET, AND PRAY THEY THROW A PUNCH SO YOU CAN BITE THEIR FUCKING FINGERS OFF WHO CARES IF YOU DIE IN THE PROCESS BITE THOSE FUCKING FINGERS OFF AND GOUGE THOSE FUCKING EYES, DEEP GOUGE, GOUGE, HOOK, AND RIP, GOUGE, HOOK, AND RIP!!!!!

@Jazzy_Butts what if i liked it

@clora It's all fun and games until the discard. Narcissists always discard. If you're doing things you don't want to do because you think it'll get you love, and then the love never comes, that's painful.

@Jazzy_Butts the person who was abusing me eventually strangled me half to death & i ended up heading to the ER w/ a minor brain injury
im totally fine now, but yeah, that one played itself out
tbh though most of the people who conditioned me to conflate emotional abuse and affection in the way I do now couldn't fairly be characterized as narcissists, & certainly didn't "discard" me in most cases in that sense

@clora The discard is emotional not literal, first comes love bombing, then devaluation, then abuse, and finally discard.

@Jazzy_Butts @clora I know that cycle well, but there are a lot of cases where it ends up being more nuanced than that.

There are lots of ways emotional abuse can play out that don't look exactly like that: for example, if someone idolizes and idealizes their partner and is constantly terrified of them leaving, emotional abuse of being extremely controlling (so they don't get the chance to leave or see someone else they want more), putting them down and telling them no one else will ever love them (so they feel like that relationship is the best they'll get), etc., is definitely still emotional abuse but can go on forever.

While what you described is a common pattern of abuse, it's far from the only way it can play out.

@formication @clora You're exactly right, I didn't mean to give the impression that's the only pattern. The kind you describe, I've heard called "covert narcissism", one where the narcissist plays the victim, acts helpless, looks for sympathy, uses guilt and emotional blackmail, rarely issues threats or engages in physical abuse. Then there's the overt narcissist who tells the partner things like "you're no good", "you're nothing without me" etc. Covert says things like "I'm no good", "I'm nothing without you.". Both are using different tactics for the same goal, control and manipulation.