I still think life is a dream/simulation but ever since I've been taking these government pills it just doesn't bother me, idc if this is a dream, I'm warm, comfy, who knows what the future holds but I'm no longer paralyzed by that uncertainty.

I was worried it would change my thoughts, but my thoughts are kind of the same, it's my feelings that are different. It's like Pink Floyd comfortably numb, I know that makes it sound bad but, it doesn't feel bad, it feels good. I have very little anxiety now. If someone put me in a self defense situation now I would not overreact or ball up and wait to die, I would respond appropriately with no fear, no fear at all. I couldn't imagine ever having this power again, the power of confidence, it takes the place of bitterness. Anger, rage, those are fine, those are respectable in context, bit bitterness is useless, all it does is rot the soul, same as hate. I don't really hate anymore, I get angry and disgusted but it's more calculated, it doesn't take over my body and mind, I can disapprove of something and then move on, without it consuming me.