"oh wow look at me I rapped at the party and it was on beat and not cringe and everybody cheered" that doesn't translate into future opportunities, there is absolutely no point to being a party clown, I SUCK, I EH *starts hitting self* EH AG EH AH *hits self more* AH EH UH AH! *breaths heavily* THERE'S NOOOOO POOIINNNTTTTT! AAAAHHHHRRRRGGGHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH ANABDHSJKAKFNSV *incomprehensible noises*. My LIFE! My TIME! INVESTED IN PEOPLE! I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT MAGAZINES!!!!!!!!!!

I'M TALKING ABOUT HUMAN BEINGS! LIVING, BREATHING, HUMANS! I, *pause*, LOVED them, I, *pause* CARED for them, and, they, used me, they, h-humiliated me, they l-laughed at me and my gf, my gf she even said I have a dick that's "not that big" and you know what that's not fair and that HURTS, because it's not like I EVER acted like I had a big dick, this is NEVER something I talked about. I never thought I had a big dick. Ok I may have mentioned to her a story from school when I was a kid and we all compared dicks and mine was the biggest and I was so proud. In hindsight I was held back a year so had a big head start on my classmates and this never occurred to me until much later. Not the point. The point is that it's a humorous anecdote about my penis and my classmates penises in our youth, not a legitimate claim to bick dickism. I told her that story one time, ONE time, because I thought it was funny! I wasn't bragging about my dick! My dick is normal size, AVERAGE size, yea I may have said it was "above average" before in my life, but what is "average" really? I just think I have a normal dick. So anyway she said, something fucking awful, something horrible, she said my dick was small. I think this is fucked because she was raped by VERY big penised people, people packing 10 inchers, THICK ones too, and so she has suffered from big dicks, I have no idea why she would say mean shit about my normal size dick when it actually made her cum instead of scream, cry, and black out.