I've fallen in love with two girls who died young, I keep thinking I'm over it but I don't think I am. One was a new friend, but she was an innocent, just a girl with good intentions. I let her in, the trust was there, but I couldn't tolerate her lifestyle. I distance myself thinking she'd change to get on my good side again. She was dead a few weeks later from an overdose. Second girl, knew her as a kid, we grew up a little together, spent lots of time by ourselves playing pretend and talking about anime. She was overweight, and at the time I didn't find her attractive, but when we were adults, and I saw her again, I couldn't deny she was doing it for me, all the feelings. We arranged to meet up at my place after wr started talking again, and we had some of the most relaxing, fulfilling, 10+ years long comin, sex. It felt really good with her. I'd had "hotter" girls, and truth be told most girls might have been hotter girls, but in that moment in that spot, I could see a life with this chick, and as I'm playing with the idea, we drift apart. Next thing I know she's got a boyfriend. Next next thing I know is her parents found her dead in her bed. No drugs in her system. She spent her whole life losing that weight, to where she looked good, and then she fucking dies. Is there something I could have done? For either of them? I want to save them but it's over and they're never coming back, sunflower will never laugh at one of my jokes, or lounge in bed with me while we watch flapjack on cartoon network. I will never get to ask my friend wolfgirl where she thinks our relationship's going, if there's any potential for us to he happy together...there are times where I lust after a woman and I feel like I'm betraying them, or like I don't deserve a "replacement" girl, and the "replacement" girl doesn't deserve to be the girl of a broken person like me, so much undealt with inside my head that I don't even know what's going on. All I think, is... pretty meaningless, I don't know why I'm typing, it won't bring them back.