Guys I had a dream last night where a girl I liked from middle school was grown with me, and was my gf, and I had no more social anxiety, like I was before I got broken by narcissists in my 20s. Anyway it was an outdoor bbq, like I used to go to as a kid, when life was simpler. She rode on my back and was so happy, we both were so happy, we were so happy...I woke up and felt so, so fucking sad, and angry at my circumstances. In the dream I felt her against me, I could feel her butt against my palms, and her chest on my back, and her arms on my shoulders, and her her face next to mine. This is real. I feel like I'm breaking apart, maybe I've already been broken apart and, like a shockwave I am only now just feeling it. I don't know what to do or where to go. I have started going out alone at night, to get away from my life, even though I'm coming right back to it after a half hour. I roam while the world sleeps, and I feel so alone, and lonely, and in those quiet moments away from my life I feel hope that someone good will find me.