I had some delicious fried tofu and good homemade sauce the other day, and now I'm having a hard time squaring being a good person with knowingly eating animals, or not really the eating, but the killing. To knowingly participate in the killing by buying the killed animal meat is what bothers me. I know I feel comfortable with killing, I have killed fish, and other game animals for food. What bothers me is that when I'm hungry, or in the mood to harvest, it doesn't bother me, or if it does it's this hollow sad feeling, this strange question that I don't know the words to, but I know there's a question there, and it disturbs me that I don't know what it is. And then there's times where I feel bad, actually bad about harvesting game meat, or even about buying meat from the store to eat. I feel like I don't understand something, and it bothers me. Why do I eat meat, wht is there this disconnect in me, what part of myself has died, if any, to make this happen? Why do I feel simultaneously uncomfortable, and comfortable, with killing and eating animals? I never feel comfortable hurting animals, if one is maimed and gets away that's fucked, and it feels really bad, it stays with you, sometimes in quiet moments you see it again in your mind.