I feel like I'm almost over my traumas from years ago, it's so sad to move on, my body will always hold the scars, but I don't have to live in that moment forever. My only worry is, every time I think I've figured out what I did wrong, it happens all over again. It hurts. And I'm alone. My pain is mine alone. Pity me. My mother taught me to have a closed off heart. Like hers, only superficially connecting to others. Never sharing the tears over the fears of loss. I need to know I'm ok. I need a mother who holds me while she cries, gently, she doesn't reject me, she doesn't clutch at me, she doesn't subdue her emotions, I just want a mother to hold me and cry and not let go, until she stops, and moves on from being sad.