I learned something about myself. I like submission. I don't know why it wasn't obvious before to me. I've had lots of very good sex in life (not bragging, grateful) and I could only cum twice out of all those times. At first I thought it might have been that I was a sadist because one of the times my partner was crying but insisted I finished no matter how many times I asked if they wanted me to stop, looked me dead in the eye and said no and that I was to finish, and I did, yay! But I felt bad. The other time was from a bj but the closer I got the rougher I got and I said I can't cum let's stop but they insisted I try and so I did and I face fucked them and used their head like a flashlight and treated them like an object :( So I think what makes me cum is willing submission to discomfort or pain in an effort to make me cum... that's fucked up and I'm sorry to whoever dates me unless they're a genuine masochist and people pleaser.