I've been working on getting back in shape, I was really severely depressed for a long time, I lost my mind after a bad breakup and then fell headlong into jordan petersons lectures on youtube and had a psychotic episode where I believed the bible was real and I thought maybe if the government lied about other stuff like pot being bad maybe it lied about hitler being bad, and some dark years followed. Anyway I gave all that up thanks in part to interactions with fedifrens and I'm grateful for that. After giving up trump worship and biblical catastrophizing I found myself alone, and empty. I had no friends. I had given them all up since none of them were extreme enough, I had come to hate myself because my genes were "dirty" since I'm mixed race. I've given all that up now. And it left me feeling empty. I am so scared just walking down the street, I always worry someone from either the left or the right is going to think I'm some trumper or some antifa and they're going to throw a brick at me. I'm just a faggot who goons, I want to be left alone! I want to have a fucking boyfriend or girlfriend and I just want them to be content with staying inside all day and not working and living off mommys tendies money and ordering grocery deliveries and showing each other memes and holding each other and putting earplugs in when one of us is stimming by screaming and not judging them.