Grandma passed. I'm trying to stay happy. It's hard.Been crying a lot. There were things I needed to tell her, I had to apologize and ask her to tell me about the family, I'll never get to meet them now I fear. At least I have my half sister...our dad invited me to mourn together, I really don't want to, I'm too depressed, but I also worry this will be me messing up my one chance again to fulfil my dreams (little sister marriage don't judge me) and I can't do that if I'm not physically around...I have to be present, if not for my dad (screw him) then for her, my sister. I think that's reason enough to make me do this. For her. Idc if we never go there but something in me wants to protect her...I never felt this way about my half sister who I lived with (I have many half siblings), the one I lived with I didn't feel this protective drive...as soon as I saw her...she's so beautiful, she looks like her mom but mocha, and her Mom has hot genes she just made herself look shitty by living a hard life. I want to protect my little sister from living a hard life. /vent