@Orakel @ArdanianRight @alcade as for why im dysphoric, i can only speculate. i cant really trust any research in the area, especially not now where scientists are being heavily bribed to introduce political bias in their research
but i experience general dissociation a lot, im pretty sure it has to do mainly with that. like when i look at myself, especially younger pictures of myself, theres a part of my brain of course that knows it has to be me, but the majority of my brain cannot register it as me. it looks alien. it isnt who i am now, at a fundamental level.
and if you want to hear me out on spirituality, i believe i have a feminine soul, and i feel like over the years, ive been "soul searching" and discovering my true self more and more. if you are sceptical about that part, thats fine; especially since ive barely described my experiences, nor do i care to within the context of this thread, because its just a long story
but yeah, im definitely not a dude, i cannot live happily as one, and for anyone who says im lying to myself: theyre lying to me by calling me something i cannot be.