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I have been burned on interacting with normies in school so many times, that I am afraid to talk to any humans in general.

That is why I am alone. And even though love is the thing I desire the most, I am terrified of pushing conversation to a point, where people will consider talking to me ever again.

@LukeAlmighty Just stay true to yourself. I figured out they just want someone that listens to them anyways. I doubt you feel attached to them but at the end of the day we all want to socialize somehow.

@Reinhard
Sorry, but be ""yourself"" Is the worst advice to say to someone who is a desperate louner.

@LukeAlmighty That's very subjective. I can only speak from my own experience. When I was in school I had to make a choice. Either I could hang out with a nerdy autistic guy who sat on the floor flicking mangas or go outside and just have a fucking cigarette in a solitary fashion. I chose to just go outside and do my own thing. I ended up with a few stoners who were mostly treating me like a normal person. So yeah, I'm just saying that you have to find your own ways to deal with the social situations and get away from the turbo normies are just too much to handle. You wont get comfortable by just pretending to be someone else.

It's okay to be alone sometimes but doing things your way also means you might only get approached by people who show an interest in talking to you (if that happens) so it saves you the trouble to figure out if someone is interested in getting to know you.

In the end you are just stuck there with other people who are also there for a few years before they move on and never see each other ever again.

@LukeAlmighty I was feeling this way for a while. After everything that happened with covid I didn't feel like I could trust anymore and I became agitated whenever I had to talk to people for more than a few words. For me, things started getting better after I started going regularly to church. Contrary to what I was led to believe, everyone there is extremely nice and non-judgmental. It is still surprising how much easier it feels to be around others compared to how it used to even just a few months ago. It may be worth considering

@Binkle
That's the real problem.
I do know, that people are mostly nice. Some of them even kind. But I was force to spend 13 years locked in with assholes of such a caliber, that they would get killed/arrested outside of school.

And my subconscious is still struggling with that.

@Binkle
Also, there's no need to keep this private.
I need to heal. And that needs me to vent to as many healthy people as possible.

@LukeAlmighty oh okay for sure - though for my own sake I'd prefer to keep my messages unlisted just so I don't spam up the sleepy public timeline (I already post a lot lol)

@Binkle
It's hard to define community for someone as sheltered as I am...

I go to work.... sometimes...
And this week, I am on a czech comic con. That seems to be helping a lot.

@LukeAlmighty I think the comic con and other things like it will help you. The important thing is to start slow and keep doing just a little more each time. Consistency is more important than grand gestures or the romanticized idea of suddenly becoming better at it
@LukeAlmighty
idk man, most humans are retarded and untrustworthy.
Maybe some internet based community with members nearby? That you can invite over for a beer or something?
In any case, it's something we need to dedicate time and effort to.
For example, I know myself few people who wouldn't mind hanging out with me and having interesting conversations. But they live far away, a hour or so, and, to be honest, I'd rather stay here and talk to people like you on the fediverse.
So yeah, it requires some effort and dedication, discipline, but it is possible. We can do it.
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