I really hate the fact, that my trauma response is so fucking memeable, that it became a retarded loop that repeats every single day.

To start off, my step mom is not evil. She doesn't hate me and isn't malicious. But, she is retarded, and has no filter between emotional feelings and her mouth. So, sometimes she will literally say the most hurtful things, and 2 minutes later, she smiles at you not knowing you're fucking bleeding on the inside.

Well, every single lunch, she asks "how much food do you want?" Normal people say "less" or "more"... But, when I used to say this, she would from time to time hours later shout at me for making her fucking starve. I literally never want to hear that kind of accusation ever again in my life.

So, I learned to just respond with "a portion". But, here comes the retarded part. She keeps asking every single day. And every single day, after I respond with "a portion", she starts asking "but what do you mean by a portion?" "So, do you want more?"... And when I say my definition, she ignores it, and keeps on probing, trying to make me say the amount.

Every single day the same conversation. WHY? WHY CANNOT SHE ACCEPT THE FACT, THAT IT'S A MINE THAT I WILL NEVER AGAIN STEP ON? I will not be abused this way. So, why is she still trying to make me do that mistake? I literally mean for more then 10 years. that is thousands of repetitions of the same conversation.