The Babylon Bee @babylonbee@gameliberty.club

The British Constable is on the prowl, and he is rounding up dangerous weapons by the minute to keep England safe from all sorts of harm. God save our brave constables!

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hearings on Capitol Hill took a dramatic turn today, with PBS's bipartisanship being questioned due to newly released footage of Elmo keying a…

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Disney's latest offering, Snow White, is already garnering Oscar buzz after performing terribly at the box office and bombing with critics, attributes…

HEAVEN — God confirmed this week that our heavenly bodies will look very similar to the aesthetic of animator Hayao Miyazaki, creator of Studio Ghibli.

U.S. — Defying all odds, a popular television show has wrapped up with a satisfying finale that leaves no loose ends. [EDITOR'S NOTE: This is satire.]

LONDON — British PM Keir Starmer has announced that he has directed authorities to prosecute the famous King Arthur for his unauthorized use of the deadly sword…

As the leader of the free world, President Donald J. Trump is a role model for all Americans. From his trademark hairstyle to his flawlessly orange complexion, everyone…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With lawmakers calling for Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to resign over leaked Yemen attack plans, Hegseth expressed deep regret for not instead…

U.S. — A dorky journalist experienced the thrill of a lifetime this past week, having finally been included for the first time ever in a group text.

U.S. — State Farm has begun offering optional extra car insurance coverage for protection against customers' cars being torched by psychotic weirdos with purple…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In another serious breach of White House security this week, Hunter Biden was discovered to still be living in a toolshed on the White House lawn.

AUSTIN, TX — As he launched through the air off the G-Force Burnout Set Launcher Ramp, Governor Greg Abbott wondered aloud why a Democratic Representative had referred…

U.S. — Texas Representative Jasmine Crockett is under fire for comments made during a banquet in Los Angeles where she referred to Texas Governor Greg Abbott as…

JERUSALEM — Sources close to the Son of God report that Jesus Christ has just called upon his followers to eat Fillet-o-Fish sandwiches for 40 days in order to prepare…

MUSTAFAR — The Galactic Empire was forced into damage control mode this week after it was revealed that Darth Vader had realized that he had mistakenly added Rebel…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Elon Musk was quick to apologize Monday for DOGE mistakenly laying off the one government employee whose job it was to prevent journalist Jeffrey…

LOS ANGELES, CA — After years of fierce debate, theologians from all the major branches of Christianity have now come to an agreement that lying to your dentist…

BURBANK, CA — Following the disastrous box office opening of Disney's Snow White, actress Rachel Zegler has been stored in the famed Disney vault for safekeeping…

U.S. — Despite record-low polling numbers among American voters, Democratic Party leaders were confident they could turn things around and estimated they were only…

CLEVELAND, OH — In a tragedy bemoaned by sports fans across the nation, a perfectly good basketball game between Golden State Warriors and Cleveland Cavaliers was…