The Babylon Bee @babylonbee@gameliberty.club

WORLD — During an international flight from Tel Aviv to Paris a crying baby was seen complaining to a flight attendant about being seated next to professional activist…

LOS ANGELES — According to sources, an autonomous Waymo car achieved sentience at the worst possible time, just moments before being set on fire with a Molotov cocktail.

SACRAMENTO, CA — After getting his head hopelessly stuck in a banister this morning, an outraged Governor Gavin Newsom demanded to know why Trump would do this.

THE HIGH SEAS — In a saddening, tragic turn of events, famed climate activist Greta Thunberg has been kidnapped by the Dread Pirate Roberts.

LOS ANGELES, CA — Embattled law enforcement officers trying to keep violent protesters at bay now have to wait even longer for help, as news broke that U.S. Marine…

LOS ANGELES — As immigration riots spread across the city, local rioter and ruffian Eduardo Perez expressed regret that he could not find any houses to burn down…

U.S. — The LA immigration riots have come to a swift and sudden end following a decisive nuclear strike ordered by President Donald Trump.

LAND OF UZ — According to sources, a local man named Job, who has already suffered greatly, is now facing his greatest suffering yet as he went to bed and realized…

HOUSTON, TX — Olympic gymnast Simone Biles is astonishing spectators around the country with her greatest gymnastics feat yet: arguing that trans women are women.

LOS ANGELES, CA — As has become the standard operating procedure for the military branch over the last half-century, 700 members of the United States Marines found…

TULSA, OK — A local baby was outraged this morning after realizing the adult holding him was sitting in a chair, rather than standing up.

LOS ANGELES, CA — Mass protests over the federal government's crackdown on illegal immigration received a touch of Latino flavor over the weekend, as one Mexican…

U.S. — Law enforcement agencies across the country saw a sudden surge of popularity today after word got out that they were shooting journalists with tear gas and…

KYOTO, JAPAN — Nintendo of Japan announced Monday that the next mainline entry in the bestselling Super Mario series will just be a an animated GIF of Mario saying…

LOS ANGELES, CA — According to sources, President Trump responded to fiery but mostly peaceful protests in the City of Angels by activating the mostly peaceful National…

JERICHO — Local tax collector Zacchaeus is insisting he has been represented by several local news accounts as being "of short stature" when he's actually 5' 7",…

LOS ANGELES, CA — The Republican Party expressed gratitude to a local group of illegal immigrants who helped film some commercials for the next presidential campaign.

U.S. — Psalty the Singing Songbook is now the final contemporary Christian artist from the 199os who has absolutely zero scandals to his name.

HIXSON, TN — Local man Dennis Vargas once again purchased his golf clubs back from the garage sale his wife was hosting, marking the third such transaction this…

CUYAHOGA FALLS, OH — Congregants at Grace Bible Church of Cuyahoga Falls made it known today that the praise band guitarist is nowhere near talented enough to be…