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Can you really call her your sister if you're not willing to fuck her
"Let's cgi everything because computers are cool"
*everything looks like potato*
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@Lucky @MKdiamond I'm pretty sure I can top that without even trying. (Like with this image, though I won't need to resort to anything so cheap. This image is just a harbinger.) But it sticks out in my mind because that was a big year for sexual degeneracy in Southern California. Lotta important events.

For one, this dude in Torrance got busted. He'd successfully evaded the cops for I don't know how long, but it was at least enough time to successfully steal 200 or so duffel bags from women's gym lockers. Petty theft? That's what the cops thought. Turns out he'd been just throwing away the bags because he was only interested in the women's tennis shoes. So the cops get to his house (I don't know why they didn't find it sooner. I mean, don't they have such a keen sense of smell that they're used for hunting truffles?), and he's got these mountains of shoes, all of them cut open, so that he could get to the sweat stain the big toe left. Now, that's not really disturbing (unless you were planning to watch a Tarantino film in the near future), but like I said, a pretty big year.

No, no, the disturbing bit is the event that made California illegalize necrophilia.

So picture the scene where you're working at the coroner's office. A four-year-old has died, I think of a congenital heart problem or something, but it might have been brain-whip from a car accident. She's in cold storage downstairs, in a drawer the same as everybody else.

So you wander downstairs, it's late, and the lights are on. Guess the janitors are not done yet.

The janitors are definitely not done yet. You can come to this conclusion pretty easily, reasoning directly, starting with the premise that you don't stick around if you and your buddy decided to put the mops down for a minute and take some time out of your busy schedule to tag-team a toddler's corpse. Definitely, when you finished, you'd be doing your best to make sure that nobody ever pieced together that that event had occurred, or you'd be arrested or possibly lynched with a flame-retardant rope so that the assembled mob could set you on fire while you swung.

So, clearly, if the janitors had been done, they would have pulled out and zipped up and covered the whole room and the girl's body in ammonia, right, so it stands to reason that they were not done. That explains why the lights were on!

So, you call the cops. The cops show up, arrest the janitors. Obviously, right? Haul them down to the station and try to suppress a gag reflex while writing up the report and taking a statement from the witness. (Or, you know, they were cops. They were probably trying to conceal their throbbing erections and thinking of an excuse to request a copy of the crime scene photos so they'd have a visual aid to help finish before their break was up. Not that it matters, they're union, they could take their time with the break, just that you don't want anyone to know that you leapfrogged the circle jerk in the conference room. But I digress.)

The chief calls you into his office, says the DA has been wracking his brain and can't come up with anything to charge these guys with and they've gotta be cut loose. Pedophilia? No, that requires the kid be alive. Corpse-fucking? Turns out there's no law. The family of the dead four-year-old girl is horrified. The DA is horrified. The coroner is horrified. Of course, the local news outlets are not. That shit comes across the police blotter and they start salivating: who is going to change the radio station or the channel on their TV before hearing the punchline of that one? So it was days of stories about this.

Finally the state legislature decides to take some time out of their busy schedule of getting blowjobs from lobbyists that were hired by the power company to give blowjobs to legislators (not making that up, either) and they unanimously vote to make it illegal to fuck a dead body. It's pretty clearly a victimless crime, but who's going to Ron Paul that shit? You don't wanna be the "No" vote there.

How'd I do?
bunnyman.jpg
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