I know most of you are too busy celebrating the fact that there’s one less Yellow Peril poisoning the Earth and wasting food and oxygen, so I’ll keep this brief: consider this my dying curse on all of you.

Fedi has a white problem. But the white problem goes beyond white people being privileged. Because your solidarity is literally skin deep. Some members of PV insisted that skin color is the only thing that decide if someone is oppressed because of their race, with little to no consideration for any social-political background. When one of them misgendered an enby, you defended them because they are “white-passing”, and thus their identity is an acceptable price to pay to win woke points from these people. When members of Play Vicious posted white supremacist memes about how we Chinese are over-populating the Earth, you are completely silent for these is little to no Asian presence on Fedi, and thuse you have no reason to care.

When I said that a person doesn’t have to be perfect for their idea to have merit, what I meant is that we should focus on the idea and not worship the person, not that good ideas excuse bad behavior like transphobia, racism, or ableism. It is curious that when a black woman told you to only take her word at face value and never read between the lines, you listened; but when an Asian trans woman said something, you can’t be bothered to think about what she actually mean.

But when I say your solidarity is skin deep, I’m also talking about the ableist problem that permeates almost every part of Fedi, which no one seems to ever talk about. The POC who left SBC and drew awareness to the white problem is also Autistic, and the failure of the mods to take it into consideration directly led to their leaving. Have you ever wondered what happened to them? Do you actually care? Or do you just need them as a leverage in your agenda, another piece in your game of clouts?

I have not been shy about talking about my mental health issue since I moved to SBC. I’m open about the fact that I’m Autistic and bioplar. I made more than one thread about how my mental health was hurting. It seem that all of it fell on deaf ears, because while I don’t expect leniency for my rash actions, I do expect that the mod would have more sympathy than to hold my absence in the co-op’s discourse against me, when I have explicitly suggested that I might not have the energy to do so. My pain means nothing to you.

Last but not the least, I do appreciate the nice irony of someone exposing a DM out of context to paint me as a racist, in the same breath where they condemned me for threatening SBC by doxxing fascists. It seems like your principles and morals are both quite flexible, able to fit whatever you need in order to forward you agenda and hurt your enemies.

But alas, as an Autistic, I do not possess the same moral flexibility that you all seem to do, and while I refuse to believe that race and racial oppression is black and white, I do believe that morality and moral action is. But it’d appear that in this increasing black and gray world, there is no place for a moralist like me. I’m not black, so I must be white, and thus a racist. I’m not a cis woman, so I must be a cis man, and a rapist. I’m not insane, so I must act in the same way everyone else does and be held to the exact same standards as everyone. I’m tired of it.

I’ve said more than enough. I know you’re not listening anyways. You never did. Perhaps you never will. So here I bid you farewell, forever and ever. I’m once again standing at the top of the 18th story. My hands are empty as I leave this world, as they were when I entered it.

I tried to reach them out to you, but you have cut them off because I was not like you, because I refused to fit into one of your boxes and play by your rules. So now I finally get to find out if falling actually feels like flying, even just for a little while. And remember: there will come a day when our silence will be more powerful than the voice you are strangling today. But that day isn’t today, and that voice will not be mine. I’ll entrust my life and fate to a God I do not believe in, and wish that I’ll see you all again in hell