I wish I was less paranoid, I want to have fun like other people seem to be having, and nothing ever happens to THEM, I'm just so scared like a dumb scared little baby face retard

"Can't post my voice, someone will recognize. Can't post my face, someone will recognize. Can't post my noodz, someone will recognize (though I posted them before in kik groups and dms with people so it's not like they're not out there)." When in reality probably no one will recognize. And if they do, probably nothing will come of it, they will be too embarrassed to address it because they statistically won't be a psychopath. But what if? I don't even leave my house anymore because of what ifs. What if someone stabs me? What if I get run over? What if something bad happens at home while I'm away and I can't stop it? What if I have a panic attack in public and then american cops come and beat me to death because I won't stop crying 'please god, please god no, stop, please god, please stop, oh my god, please, oh god'"

And it's not like this is anybodys fault, it just is, I used to blame people, including myself, but now I'm just like, too tired. I don't even care about why things are the way they are, or maybe I do idk, I just want to feel, not paranoid and enraged.