I DON'T have to be hurt by my ex gaslighting me
I DON'T have to feel like there's something wrong with me for not being polyamorus
I DON'T have to feel worthless for living in a society that is antithetical to "goodness"
@icedquinn Yea but worse. He did a bunch of sex stuff with me (which I enjoyed) but he never told me he was in a relationship with someone else. When he did it was the next day and I kind of rolled with it but did NOT feel good...but he told me he was going to leave him for me. He was direct about that. This isn't me reading into things. He said that shit. Meanwhile he's dragging me to events and giving me lots of party favors and he's sitting down and having talks with me about how he wants me to be happy with other people (fuck other people) and so I DO and then he gets jealous, and possessive, and starts poisoning the well between me and whoever I'm fucking with at that moment. All in the back, all in secret. He kept a lot of secrets. Never ever was straight up, everything, EVERYTHING, was behind multiple layers of irony. And he had the audacity to say *I* was "too safe", when he's the one who refuses to take his mask off, ever. Everything is a joke, or a "story", he will never be honest. He is a broken person.
@icedquinn Put your dick away, I was grown for all this.
i'm not in to that.it would just explain some things and i've seen a lot of people with a long history of being abused end up in situations like this.
often desperate for whatever they can get and end up with malignant narcicists.
@icedquinn Anyone with low self esteem is at risk for that, I was raised to be a subservient christian, and so being a natural leader I was punished a lot, in severe ways that would last years, we're talking about multi year long punishments here.
@icedquinn Instead of "go to your room for the day" it was "go to the psych ward for 3 years" and "here take these pills for 4 years" and the pills gave me breasts I didn't want
damn.
subservient christian
I am sorry to hear that has happened to you. but thats not real Christianity. Its about love forgiveness and teaching one another. clearly those people were wrong and evil. I’m really sorry to hear about that.
I was punished a lot, in severe ways that would last years, we’re talking about multi year long punishments here.
I’m sorry to hear that. you poor thing Hug. 
@Skadi @icedquinn Thankyou, I've had a long personal journey with Christianity, I broke from doctrine at 9, questioned god for a long time, at 13 I opposed and challenged god, I threatened him, then I tried contacting satan, no luck there either, threatened satan too, then insulted him some more for not being real. Then I got into spiritualism, read a lot about the occult, witchcraft, voodoo, demonology, exorcism, lycanthropy, transformations/transmutations, I spent nights out in the woods several times with weapons I had made and/or blessed, with the intention of drawing out a demon or monster to kill, and prove to people that I wasn't crazy, and that this secret stuff was real (because I was raised in a mystery cult, I was obsessed with conspiracies and hidden truths). At 16 I went to the crossroads after performing the summoning ritual for Papa Legba, I went at the witching hour. I brought one penny, as the only way to make a deal with the demon/devil which can't speak, is to offer him compensation for the deal, since he can speak he can't refuse, and now he accepts a penny instead of taking your soul. I asked for what I asked for, got back in my car, and left. I still have yet to know one way or another what is real and what is not. After great personal tragedy at 20, I spiral deep into chaos magic, complete and total insanity, no structure, insane. Lost. At 24 I heard Jordan Peterson. I latched on for dear life. His words made sense. Things made sense. I researched the world wars, Hitler, Jews, Christianity, I went back to the Bible and read what I never read, or barely read, the world started making sense. The old testament God is a being of pure wickedness and evil, if God is real I refuse to believe that is him. Jesus was a good man, I respect Jesus so much, his words make me cry. I don't know if Jesus is God, or if God is real, or good. I decided at 28 to convert to Judaism, symbolically, as a messianic Jew at first, but I don't think the distinction matters anymore. Why am I a Jew? Because I was raised Christian and can't escape my upbringing, but I now know Christians are nothing but servants of Jews (the true Jews not the fake Jews) and so I said to myself, do I want to be a servant, who can't even talk to God (he has to go through Jesus) or do I want to be one of the chosen people who gets to converse directly with the almighty, and even argue with him? The choice was easy for me. I call myself an atheist or agnostic Jew. I still respect Jesus, but I don't consider him the literal son of God (in story he's the son God but I consider the story to be a metaphorical fiction) and finally, I consider The Book of Judas to be real...and so Jesus is actually not the son of YHWH, but the son of a much older, more powerful god, and he is here to save us from YHWH, who is a type of demon.
@icedquinn And I was just joking I don't think you were trying to get off I was just annoyed by the question
@icedquinn I'm sorry, I thought you were being mean, it was a misunderstanding
I’m so sorry that happened to you
@Jazzy_Butts @icedquinn sounds like they didnt want a polyamorus relationship. sounds like they wanted to cheat on you and force you into being ok with that.
He kept a lot of secrets. Never ever was straight up, everything, EVERYTHING, was behind multiple layers of irony. And he had the audacity to say I was “too safe”, when he’s the one who refuses to take his mask off, ever. Everything is a joke, or a “story”, he will never be honest.
I’m sorry you had to deal with this person. I’ve meet many people who just cant say their honest feelings. they are the worst to deal with. cause you dont want to take a joke to seriously and hurt the relationship, but that the same time some jokes go too far.
@Skadi @icedquinn I put my heart on my sleeve years later, tried reconnecting, pleaded with him, literally, like "Please X, please, I'm not saying you have to live any certain way, I respect you, there's so many good things about you, I just am not Poly, it's a personal thing."
and he would say back something like "If you want to be unhappy forever that's up to you."
“If you want to be unhappy forever that’s up to you.”
wow. thats unbelievable. I don’t get why he would be like that. If my partner is not comfortable with something I’d drop it. not tell them they will “unhappy forever”. Again I’m sorry you had to deal with that person. damn that really is just unbelievable to me.
Please keep being you. dont let that person change you into someone you’re not. I like you just the way you are Jazzy!
You shouldn't have ever had to go through that
He's a piece of shit, and you are leagues better than he could ever be
I wish you healing and health, my friend
@AbNormal @icedquinn @Jazzy_Butts I completely agree! sending hugs
@AbNormal @icedquinn @Skadi Thankyou I've never really faced this stuff like this so your kindness is very appreciated rn
@Skadi @icedquinn Thankyou for the encouragement, believe it or not I don't get that much anywhere irl, I was also surrounded by narcissistic friends (I set myself up for failure by thinking it was right for me to give my attention to "broken" people in an effort to "fix" them) and so long story short I had to jettison my friend group and have been alone irl for a very long time, being aware of my attractions to some humans people call "kids" (I don't consider 12-13-14 a kid but whatever) didn't help either, made me afraid I couldn't trust anyone because if I trusted someone I might confide in them and then they might freak out...my old friend group *kind of* knew, and would make fun of me for it, I was young enough back then that I could just own it and laugh along and say "Yeaaa dawg you know it!" and people would shake their heads and do that chuckle sigh thing people do when someone is adorable and encourageable...but I'm like 30 now people don't think that shit's cute they get creeped out...but I really do feel like I'm just a normal guy/person and that everyone else has these feelings too but they just don't talk about it....and then I feel like Ledger Joker when he was talking about One Bad Day and I'm like.....is that me? Am I the Joker?
