I AM !
I am: yet what I am none cares or knows,
My friends forsake me like a memory lost;
I am the self-consumer of my woes,
They rise and vanish in oblivious host,
Like shades in love and death's oblivion lost;
And yet I am! and live with shadows tost
Into the nothingness of scorn and noise,
Into the living sea of waking dreams,
Where there is neither sense of life nor joys,
But the vast shipwreck of my life's esteems;
And e'en the dearest--that I loved the best--
Are strange--nay, rather stranger than the rest.
I long for scenes where man has never trod;
A place where woman never smil'd or wept;
There to abide with my creator, God,
And sleep as I in childhood sweetly slept:
Untroubling and untroubled where I lie;
The grass below--above the vaulted sky.
- John Clare
Reading up on Napoleon's relationship with Josephine got my tear ducts flowing man.
He insisted that she be called Empress, even after their divorce.
When she died, he locked himself in his room on Elba for 2 days.
His last words before his death were "France, the Army, the Head of the Army, Joséphine".
I sometimes think that I've seen too much. Obv I haven't seen absolutely everything, but at this point I think I've seen enough.
Some things I just can't get out of my head, no matter how hard I try. The images are just burned in; engraved in.
They'll pop up every now and again, at random times. And I basically have to sit there in a weird paralysis while I try to think hard to rationalize why the image/memory is there in the first place.
I doubt most people would get it...
I don't know man, whatever...