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How to avoid being maliciously manipulated.
Part 2: Hostile Discourse Manipulation
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Defamation, claims of abuse, and general mob-mentality have a long history of being weaponized against paraphiles. Unfortunately, this remains true of pedi. Many beings on here are terrified of being unjustly crucified, and so they instinctively join mobs to try and pose as “one of the good ones,” which makes the community rife for hostile discourse manipulation, especially in contexts of kink and para.
Stay Grounded
- Emotional manipulation is a tactic, not an accident.
Outrage, disgust, and fear are used to shut down critical thinking and steer you.
- Truth doesn’t need cruelty or urgency.
If someone is yelling or demanding instant judgment, they may not be seeking fairness — they’re seeking control. Make sure if you’re going to act as their tool, their cause is actually just, and not actively contributing to the oppression of a paraphile.
- Discomfort is not wrongdoing. “Vibes” or stereotypes can explain why something feels off, but moral judgment must rest on harm, and even then is overshadowed by consent. The RACK model (Risk-Aware Consensual K
ink) is used in mainstream kink but is a good starting point.
- Being hurt doesn’t make retaliation just.
In a public space words can cause serious harm if they turn many against someone. And while dealing with existing trauma deserves care, but it’s not a license to oppress or misrepresent others. Those who cannot control themselves should be handled similarly to those with anger issues who resort to physical violence.
- Some use these tactics defensively.
Outrage and vagueness can be survival strategies in hostile spaces. Understanding this helps us respond with empathy without abandoning fairness. It will take patience and support for us to heal as a community.
Think Critically Before Believing
- Withholding judgment is healthy — false compromise is not.
Waiting for more evidence is wise; assuming “both sides must be partly right” when one is manipulative still benefits the liar, who is allowed to be successful in doing damage.
- Half‑agreement still advances falsehood.
Even a small public concession (“maybe some of it’s true”) legitimizes and amplifies harmful claims that weren’t proven.
- Vague moral statements can build false authority.
If you see users posting obvious takes few in the community would disagree with (“abuse is bad” “consent is important”) with dozens of likes and boosts, it serves no real purpose other than virtue signaling to get others to think highly of them. Generic takes attract clout, which can later be used to push unproven accusations (“they say these things I agree with, so I trust their judgement!”)
- If someone relies on vague callouts or “everyone knows who,” question it.
Ambiguity is often used to sow suspicion while dodging accountability, which makes it especially useful for mischaracterizing situations.
- Screenshots and snippets mislead easily.
Always ask for full context and original links before judging.
- Beware priming.
When someone tells you how to feel before showing evidence, they’re shaping your interpretation first. Be ready to point it out if the evidence doesn’t add up to what they’re claiming, and consider looking at evidence first before reading their interpretation.
Refuse to Be Intimidated
- Fear is part of the strategy.
People may attack anyone who hesitates or asks questions to scare others into silence.
- Performative agreement (“oh yeah that’s gross”) fuels false claims.
It makes it look like more people support them than actually do. You’re not in DMs—your responses have a genuine impact on the fate of those involved, and most onlookers will only look at these comments and infer truth based on them.
- If asking for clarity gets you attacked, take note.
Words like “abuse” and “harassment” carry serious weight. Clarifying them is responsible. Hostility to clarification is a red flag.
- Stay calm and firm.
Civil questioning not only protects your integrity — it models for others that it’s safe to resist.
Don’t Let Conversations Get Hijacked
- Watch for dodging and deflection.
Shifting topics, dragging in unrelated drama, or attacking your character often means they can’t defend their claims. Responding to questioning by suddenly dragging up entirely new unverified claims should be called out and redirected back to the point.
- Long emotional narratives often mix truth with speculation.
Check what is actually shown, not just said.
- Urgency isn’t proof.
“We have to act now!” is often used to bypass fairness and rush people into taking sides.
- Repeated bad-faith attacks accumulate harm even when resisted.
If each wave of accusations is treated as “no big deal” because it fails, the target still ends up with layers of suspicion and stigma. Without accountability, attackers can keep running the same play indefinitely. Don’t let them get away with it. Encourage admins to take punitive action.
Defend Civility, Demand Accountability
- Civility isn’t tone-policing — it’s a shield.
Respectful norms give people room to think, ask, and speak without fear.
- Accusations are not evidence.
Serious claims need serious proof and room for rebuttal; that’s how communities stay honest.
- Harassment, defamation, and mobbing are still violence.
Even when done under the banner of “justice,” they can destroy reputations, livelihoods, and safety. Do not dehumanize the accused. If you are wrong, you are creating a victim, not helping one.
- The goal is to disarm everyone — not punish vulnerability.
We should reward transparency and civil engagement, giving more weight to those who respond calmly and factually.
- Accountability for reckless accusations matters.
If there’s no consequence for starting mobs on bad evidence, bad actors will keep doing it. Communities can counter this by:
– Withholding amplification until evidence appears.
– Publicly noting when claims prove false.
– Supporting those who were falsely accused.
– Praising those who stay civil under pressure.
- Reward fairness, not outrage.
The more communities visibly support fact‑checking and calm discourse, the less effective manipulative tactics become.
The Exception: Subtle Discourse Manipulation
Hostile discourse manipulation arose as a reaction to the casual dismissal of real abuse and ambivalence to other important issues. But it often backfires—hurting more people than it helps—by being misused by the ignorant or malicious. Paraphiles are especially at risk.
In Part 3, I’ll cover Subtle Discourse Manipulation, which among other things is commonly used to dismiss valid, calmly stated concerns and accusations.
Ultimately, there’s no shortcut to fairly judging these things. We need to stay vigilant as a community and support trusted individuals in doing the deeper investigations most users can’t—or won’t—do.
You can find Part 1, focused more on back room gossip and rumors rather than discourse, here: https://gimmeloli.cc/notes/acgrdxe408oy0jwj