The Babylon Bee @babylonbee@gameliberty.club

WASHINGTON, D.C. — WNBA legend Elena Delle Donne announced her retirement yesterday, the former MVP leaving after a decade-long career which saw her score six points.

MEMPHIS, TN — Local teenager Kayleigh Taylor has begun to wonder when her parents will finally grow out of the awkward stage they're in.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the nation anxious about the ramifications of widespread tariffs, President Trump assured Americans that everything would be settled down…

SIOUX FALLS, SD — Local man Thomas Woodward suddenly ramped up his Lenten observance this past week, completely giving up having money in his retirement account.

Watching your retirement account tumble as $10 trillion in market value evaporates can be a stressful experience. Here are seven facts to make you feel at ease as…

BEND, OR — The leaders of River of Life Church were bewildered that the congregation's men appeared to be struggling spiritually more than ever despite the church…

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following another round of aggressive media questions about his reasoning behind implementing sweeping tariffs on foreign goods, President Donald…

TULSA, OK — Last Sunday morning's service at Church of the Promise was briefly disrupted when Pastor John Weber unexpectedly rescinded an earlier exhortation to…

Rancho Cucamonga, CA — A man who admitted being very concerned about the effect increased tariffs will have on the prices of everyday consumer goods said he was…

AVANT PRAIRIE, TX — In an ironic twist of fate, family members of a local doomsday prepper announced that he had died before the world ended.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump awoke this morning with a giddy schoolboy's excitement, knowing that the Tariff Fairy promises that she will magically…

HEAVEN — Representatives from the Pearly Gates have unveiled a special, exclusive VIP lounge for faithful believers who took the time each week to attend Wednesday…

SALINA, KS — Local man Jared Halderman reportedly went through a period of confused bewilderment after realizing he was unsure whether the band Mumford & Sons actually…

ANAHEIM, CA — Angels outielder Mike Trout found himself on the injured list once again after he was unexpectedly crushed by a falling piano during his first at bat…

According to economists, Trump's tariffs are currently running the global economy into the ground.

LOS ANGELES, CA — Major League Baseball's hottest franchise suddenly and unexpectedly announced the suspension of all operations today, as the Los Angeles Dodgers…

MILWAUKEE, WI — Local man Aiden Jackson suffered a devastating blow earlier today after he stepped in a little wet spot on the kitchen floor while wearing socks.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans are celebrating today after the genius President Trump imposed taxes on imports, instantly tricking Democrats into hating taxes.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Trump welcomed a surprise guest to the Oval Office as Elton John, standing a surprising six feet tall, stopped by for the signing of…