Probably gonna have to do a clean windows install because something is TERMINALLY fucked. I can't update at all. And before you say "just use Linux derp" THE SAME SHIT BUT WORSE HAS HAPPENED TO ME OVER THERE.
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Apparently the partition was labeled as a basic partition instead of a system one so windows could boot from it but not update from it what the actual fuck
@beardalaxy how the hell did that happen
@pettanko no fucking clue. I have no idea how long it has been like that either but I'm assuming a very long time. The weird thing is that I could still boot from it, but windows update couldn't see it.
With the help of my IT wizard brother, we were able to get the partition switched over and the updates working again! No clean install required! What a fucking legend.