@matrix pick the valor college subclass you can actually throw hands
@matrix I would say something like "hah, WRONG! Because 5e Bards are OP", but then I remember my party was being massacred by a bunch of golems in a dungeon and I could do nothing because all my offensive spells were mind affecting.

@Beholder @matrix @Suzu in the last campaign i played in my bard was a pacifist for about 80% of the adventure. you can make it work.

i mean depending on how funny the massacre is you could just start playing the Benny Hill theme
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