YZZAJ @Jazzy_Butts@gameliberty.club

How do I love myself
Please, I don't think I can do it, I, please I'm not strong enough...I know it's wrong, I know people are supposed to go on under their own strength...what if you loved me enough so that it didn't matter anymore?

@astolfo You're welcome, this song reminds me of an irl friend who died young, she made me feel really special even though I was chubby and soft, but she was stuck in a relationship with a rapist (like a real kind, who did it for fun)

If we were dating and you died I would write songs about it, I would never stop missing you and it would never stop hurting

PLEASE OMG PLEASE I WILL BE SUCH A GOOD BOYFRIEND I PROMISE YOU I'LL BE DEVOTED YO YOU I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GUYS I SWEAR IF YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE
https://youtu.be/3iV_1ESMHaI

Does it upset you (if we're dating in your head) to think about me having sexual intimacy with another?

Just listened to this while fapping because I'm so fucking lonely
https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ph6228b166d590f

*sigh* I feel inadequate as a person because I can't bottom properly, I have a mental block that makes it very hard and scary for me (but I try)

Should I download grindr again? I've used it before and it's always a fucking disappointment, even if, IF, some cute twink or chubby femboy talks to me, I don't have a car, and my place is a fucking mess right now (working on it, bathroom is stil pristine), but I really need some local internet weirdo furry teenage (18+) femboys to like, hang out with, but I'm worried I'm going to say something to freak them out since my egg is cracked now and I'm a little twitchy, it's fine if I say crazy shit with you guys because you can't see me but if I offend someone irl it's so bad omg I get so much anxiety I hate hurting peoples feelings or making them uncomfortable it makes me physically sick I get nauseous and have to sit down, so...yea

A lot of the dialogue in The Chronicles of Riddick is laughably bad, like Dick Tracy shit, "What're you pitchin' Riddick" and I busy out laughing it's like noir thriller in space I finally put my finger on it

@icedquinn Yea you get it, It's not schizophrenia it's schizo affective disorder, aka autism, us and schizos are more than cousins, we're brothers. I took some pills for it for a couple weeks a couple months ago but they gave me horrible sores in my mouth, an allergic reaction, I could only eat soup broth for days it was so swollen I couldn't chew. But on the pills, I felt very in control, but also felt very unmoved by the plight of others, I did not concern myself with others problems emotionally...I wish I could fix myself without pills, I feel like the pills take something....the pills, this is hard to say for certain but I think the pills are bad, historically every time I've taken one of these pills the doctors give me it makes me seem ok on the outside, but inside, it's bad, the pills make me evil, like really bad, without them the good and bad are competing so I can never move, but with the pills I can move but it's like black fire moving me, it's bad energy, it's letting it have the wheel, I can't do that, I have to keep him hobbled, but he is me, so I have to keep me hobbled, until I can figure out how to merge with him I guess, since I can't kill him since he's me and I am him and we dwell inside the same body.

How many beautiful ladies are out there observing my posts silently lurking because I intrigued them? Will it become love? Will I get married? Oh my stomach sinks and my heart jumps at the prospect, I genuinely wish for married life, I want a wife, or even a husband (technically seeking, since he'd be a fem), I want us to plan our lives together, me going off and starting my own business, her/him doing the same, but all the while supporting and loving one another...and maybe one day if the stars allow we could protect a member or two of the next generation, and teach them, how to be better than we were, and I pray to god they listen, because at that point it's in their hands.

I have this mental problem where I think people know what I know, like I reflexively assume they must know all the things I do and then I have consciously remind myself that they don't

I really want to try hard this time world, every time I try to make connections and have a voice I get banned, because everyone makes mistakes and sometimes I say things that people dislike so much that they feel awful, but I never do anything like bully people, it's just that my opinions are so shitty and cancerous (I guess?) that I'm hated. Well I'll try really hard this time to keep the cancer within tolerable bounds. And hopefully, you, world, can finally see the good that can be produced by the non cancerous parts of me.

I bring this up because in my day "nsfw" meant, literally what wasn't safe for work in a sterile office environment, no wet tshirts or car girls, this isn't a mechanic shop, so when I see what counts as "sfw" these days I laugh because protruding nipples and dominatrix boots weren't what were called "sfw" for most of my life