I've been crying every day for the last 3 day because of panic attacks and mr rogers helps because he was a figure I saw in childhood so his lessons really hit home and I'm learning to be not a douche bag and piece of shit (or as mr Rogers would say I would learn to do things the right way instead of the wrong way).
Hey guys I've been doing prayer and watching a lot of mr Rogers and this is the first day I haven't compulsively masturbated (I still looked at and appreciated porn and got boners but I didn't go to fap I just appreciated and moved on and did more prayer and watched more Mr Rogers). That man was a saint, I'm serious if he was Catholic he deserves sainthood. Fuck a miracle saint him now his life was the fucking miracle.
Some people talked about their lobotomies as being very nice and peaceful, no more pain or stress and they feel at peace, then other people feel the opposite, they end up in an eternal hell of irregular behavior and agitation. Part of me wishes I could just have peace and positivity at all times, no fear, no pain, no dread, but maybe those things are ok as long as there's good feelings too.
Me when I see a hot sexy fitness grandma on instagram: MMMMMMmmmm (I make a sound like I genuinely just tasted something really good like a delicious ice cream or chocolate or whatever you like the most. Then, I might say out loud something like "Damn grandma... I'm eatin your pussy..." and then I move on with my day
Old age fetish
I'm going to put my old stinky decaying ruined dick in your mouth, I'm going to slap my age-ed balls against your youthful beautiful skin upon your brilliant chin, absorbed my elderlyness and bring me joy, and in doing so know that you are bringing joy to an old man who like an innocent and good tempered dog who was beaten by the world. You, yes you, you beautiful 18yo who is ignored by her parents, can be truly valued, and more than that, respected, by an older man (or queer) who has come into their own and will deal you no emotional blows through erratic behavior, we olds have our patterns and we stick to them after a certain point, but even then anyone can change, even you, and you're worth it.
A few days ago, I spoke to a teenage MAP who, after working up the courage, reached out to a mental health helpline for support.
He hoped to talk about his attractions, maybe find support. Instead, he waited on hold for hours and was hung up on the moment he mentioned his attractions.
He spent that night sitting on the ground, crying, until his mom came out and found him like that.
They tell us we're dangerous, and that we're doomed to hurt people, but then they try to deny us access to any sort of support. I wonder, what do they think the outcome of that will be?
I think we're supposed to coexist with animals like ants who milk aphids, we are supposed to be sophisticated enough to exist symbiotically with animals. We shouldn't be treating them badly, their life should be bliss, they should always be comfortable and happy to give us what we need from them, as we give them what they need from us. I'm having a hard time eating meat now.
I hate that I'm starting to really see anti-cs points and am starting to think incentivzing adults not to fuck children through social and legal consequences is a good thing, I don't want it to be but I'm worried it might be a good thing... could I have been wrong all this time, yes I could have been...I may have been totally wrong, there was a time 5 years ago where I felt certain that freedom and human rights were the ultimate good and that people were mostly good and everything would sort itself out but even though I still think people are mostly good still (though I've gone back and fourth on that but it didn't effect my stance on freedom) I worry that the natural friction which always occurs between all humans no matter how good they are because nobody's perfect, would result in uneven harm, the child would be more harmed than the adult due to the adult having an unfair advantage in arguments, I'm not even touching physical abuse because that's against the rules of society, we talk, we don't hit, and so I'm just focusing on the best case scenario, where an adult who means no harm and only intends to be a teacher enters into a consensual romantic relationship with them...even then, due to the natural friction of human lovers, hurt feelings will occur, and the childs feelings will be more vulnerable, more sensative, than the adults, they are not on the same playing field. Now, I still do theorize that there would be healthy fringe cases, instances where both the adult and the child share the same level of developmental disability while still being able to understand and follow the rules of social interaction for loving friends, or cases where the adult and child exist in a culture that is sex positive and so there would be no social consequences for the child and adult engaging in mating behaviors, or play-mating behaviors, because these would not be something that would culturally imply a special relationship, it would be no more damaging or contain any more emotional friction than an adult and a child who happily, consensually, and eagerly hug in a platonic fashion in our current society.
The thing that struck me is I saw a pregnant exhibitionist recently and I had seen her before too so the contrast was there, and I realized that even though she's sexy af she's still a pregnant woman and still deserves respect and protection, and that's when I realized there's nothing wrong with sex work and sex workers are mothers too
Down
Into the deep
The trench