LukeAlmighty 🇨🇿

I think my drugged friend just made me break the pure-right barrier.

I make a ton of money. 4 times what he does. He is also in debt. So, I started to save up. In case, he got into trouble, I planed to bail him out.

Then, a few weeks ago, when I wanted to debate with him about it, he started to tell me how much he hates rich people. That they do love money more then human life and want to just keep it. (while he was eating a huge hamburger I paid for... obviously)

That hurt a lot. That few lines broke my hearth, since I realized he is not willing to accept happiness, and even if I gave him the money, he would not be able to mentally accept the freedom it offered to him.

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sim
@LukeAlmighty Whatever you do, don't bail him out. He seems really broken and it won't do him any good... just lets him keep his lifestyle going. I don't know how close you two really are but he will either come to resent you or he is already using you. Does he ever pay for food for you when you are out together?
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LukeAlmighty 🇨🇿

@sim
> Does he ever pay for food for you when you are out together?

He bought me a book against my wish. I said he's in debt and I make 4 times what he does. He's not using me, because he cannot even accept what is given.

Because he gave up on life 5 years ago, and now, he's just post-poning till he get's in the mood to check out.

It turns out, checking out is harder then he thought at first, but part of him already seem to have accepted that fate.

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just an actual husbear :verified:
@LukeAlmighty @sim Did you ask him if he considered how his hate of "rich people" applies to you?

Usually when debating these kind of opinions (hatred of a category of people based on prejudice) the person tries to make an exception of their interlocutor not insult the person they're talking to if the category applies to them. That's usually a good loose thread to pull on to unravel the hate, you can use that to make them realize they have no idea whether the others they hate without knowing personally have the same characteristics that make you an exception.
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LukeAlmighty 🇨🇿
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@guizzy @sim
That is one thing where I am sure he realizes it, since he several times already blamed me from believing total fabrications that have nothing to do with my opinions.

He has a seriously twisted picture of what I do believe, and it makes sense that my relative wealth could have shaped that opinion.

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just an actual husbear :verified:
@LukeAlmighty @sim I see, so his philosophical outlook is a post hoc rationalization for feeling bad on a more basic level. "I feel bad. I'm thinking straight so it can't be me, it must be the world that's bad. Who made the world bad? Rich people." Helps him avoid dealing with clinical depression. That's a tough one to deal with.

I think best way to help him as a friend is to invite him to activities that break the cycle (feeling bad, so not inclined to do anything, so there's nothing to feel good about). Taking in sunlight, exercising, etc... I know that's the kind of stuff that helped me get over it when I was in a similar situation.
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sim
@guizzy @LukeAlmighty Yeah, I would honestly suggest doing this. If you can do stuff together that costs you both nothing then even better. Like going for walks in the park, going places that are free that interest you both like a museum. Maybe cycle together if you are into that. Ticks all those boxes of sunlight, exercising and it is an activity you can enjoy together. Or gardening if you have a garden, that's very therapeutic.
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sim
@LukeAlmighty @guizzy It's really hard to tell... this relationship doesn't seem like it is equal and benefits you both. I could also see that you buying things for him shapes things, he might be justifying taking your money by misrepresenting your views too. People have a hard time appreciating and accepting unearned gifts and money. They may end up feeling indebted to the person unless they can give something of equal value in return. Rejecting their gifts won't help in equalising the relationship even with debt in the picture. If you carry this relationship on, letting him get something small or do something with you like a house project could go towards helping there. Whatever he would like to do. Don't let him feel indebted or use you. Talk to him about all this if you feel that you can safely. Because, of course, his opinions might have nothing to do with this or you being wealthier... he might just be like this. Misrepresenting people in general, selective hearing and understanding. A character flaw of his.
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just an actual husbear :verified:
@sim @LukeAlmighty Yeah, helping him financially in this situation isn't really going to help him, it might even make things worse. His problem is not how he sees rich people, it's how he sees himself. And having things paid for him isn't going to improve his self-image. You've got the right idea here with asking for his help. He's more likely to feel better about himself if he feels he's contributing.
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sim
@guizzy @LukeAlmighty Yeah, I think people generally feel better if they are contributing. Particularly if you want to improve self-esteem. Hopefully between us we've given some good advice or things to think about. Also, you could still pay for the food if you have your friend over to help on a project. That is generally acceptable. He could even bring something small along himself if he wanted.
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Putis of Xorg
@LukeAlmighty

Probably got his brain fucked with lack of nutrition too. Needs his omegas and Bs

If it's a lack of solid purpose for himself, and he doesn't mind it, throw me his contact please.
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