@opal I'm scared to, I'm scared of random events, and I'm scared of groups of normies

@opal I'm scared if I give my real opinion about anything sus the normies will just grin like psychopaths and start knifing me to death while cackling

@Jazzy_Butts at worst they usually get awkward and you choose something else to talk about

@Jazzy_Butts @opal you don't even have to talk to people

Just go outside and breath in the fresh air for a bit

@prouddegenerate @opal Ok just went into my front yard to breathe, I got anxious and went back in.

@Jazzy_Butts @prouddegenerate work on your anxiety lol

@Jazzy_Butts @prouddegenerate @opal that's a start

i would wait until night, say eleven or so, and go for a walk. pick a corner store near you or something, make the goal to go there, buy a snack/drink, and then go home while consuming it.

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate There's a place a mile away but I can't even ride my bike anymore because my body hurts from old broken bones and pain pills are viewed as bad here in nazi America, anything that gives goypigs relief is viewed as bad, since goypigs are supposed to suffer. I'm not going to go score pills on the street either because I don't want to get ripped off or arrested.

@Jazzy_Butts @opal @prouddegenerate here in america you can now acquire marijuana

that'll numb the pain

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I even got a card back when that was a thing to do, opioids help more and don't make me unable to focus. Pot is great for the mind and minor pain, but when shit gets real the poppy is king.

@Jazzy_Butts @opal @prouddegenerate ive been educated to not trust opioids of any kind. especially if it comes from the army.

better to be in pain and miserable bitching than have that shit melt your brain and open you up as a target for the fbi to groom in their next false flag op.

@bitterblossom @Jazzy_Butts @opal especially not from the army
Morphine is one of the most effective painkillers but also so addictive

@prouddegenerate @Jazzy_Butts @opal
the only working painkiller i had that wasn't problematic wasnt even a pain killer.

some muscle relaxant i got for busting my back worked real fucking good while until my scrip ran out.

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate Muscle relaxers make my mouth very dry, I would use them if not for that. It's intolerable because I already have throat problems, if I was in better condition I could probably stand it.

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I am science minded not feels minded, so I am very strict with myself compared to normies, that's why even though I love opiates more than anything I never became addicted and I never became dependent and I never put my safety at risk to aquire them. I have skip days that I'm not allowed to miss when I have pills, I can do it, I can manage with this medicine in ways most can't, the docs just refuse to believe me. I've been dealing with this for 10 years so I'm time tested not just talking out my butt.

@Jazzy_Butts @bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate i believe you. main reason opioids get out of control is when supply is lost and people that abused to the point of dope sickness get desparate

opioid maintenance is considered medically beneficial, and its literally just taking safer opioids to prevent fent laced bullshit

not doing od bait doses and setting rules for yourself are ways to keep yourself safe, and if it does get too crazy theres always ways to cut back

@Jazzy_Butts @bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate still wouldnt recommend anyone who hasnt started to start though obviously. i personally wouldnt

@cummies @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate When I was young I had it for wizard reasons but I never figured on doing it regularly. But once I got hurt and things started compounding as the years went on, experience taught me exactly what I needed.

@Jazzy_Butts @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate just take it easy and get a maintenance script if things get bad pls. dont need anything bad happening to community members

@cummies @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate I got some from a doc, and then some more from an rn when I ran out. This is the first time they've finally given me the pills I asked for instead of just giving me relaxers and sending me to pt and chastising my lifestyle (of which they are ignorant to, because they do not ask, they simply say to do more and sit down less, which is patronizing af). I have my first appointment with a real pain mngmt doc next month and so hopefully they understand wtf they're looking at and that pills will help, not hurt me.

@Jazzy_Butts @cummies @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate

i mean this in the most non-patronizing way i can, but do you have a bike? for me, getting into cycling was really valuable because it sat right at the intersection of a number of important things:

1. gave me some exercise regularly which helped in and of itself
2. riding a bike randomly around the neighborhood / city is a lot more fun than walking, gets you comfortable with the environment, gets you used to being outside and actually existing in a place
3. i don't have a car, so biking made me feel a lot more able to do things. can impulsively go across town to get something from the sandwich place i like, because riding is faster than walking, and you can be in total control of the situation unlike with public transit
4. if "something bad" happens, eg brain spiral / accident / scary situation, i was 100% confident i could get away from it and make it home or somewhere quiet and isolated if i was on a bike, as opposed to walking or being stuck on public transit

bikes aren't for everyone, esp considering your own mobility and the nature of wherever you live, but something /like this/ where you can have a hobby that empowers you and makes other things seem more within-reach could help a lot

@cummies @opal @Jazzy_Butts @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate

a few of my exes have been ex-addicts of opioids and navigating that seems fucking horrible. like one was on suboxone and it sure seemed like it was barely helping & just made the situation even more "tiger by the tail"

on the other hand kratom seems to actually genuinely help and not just be big pharma shit continuing to ride addicts for everything theyre worth

@rats I'm not a recreational user though

@Jazzy_Butts oh yeah im just having a rough night and trying to distract myself by vomiting information up i guess

@rats It's ok, I understand

@rats I didn't mean to sound rude, just that the only people I've seen get that bad were using not for physical pain but spiritual pain, which opiates will not help with.

@rats @opal @Jazzy_Butts @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate kratom is a good solution but its still heavily underresearched

i dont think pharma maintenance is a bad thing at all, a steady and safe supply thats harder to abuse and available for life does a ton to help some people (and some will not be helped by maintenance meds too, but nothing works for everyone)

just read a lot of stories of it saving lives, but it makes sense it doesnt help some

the biggest issue is big pharma and medical costs in the usa

@cummies @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate @rats The USA is a niggerstate because in canada I could buy Codeine over the counter without a prescription. My tolerance is weak, codeine would be the syrup of the gods to me.

@Jazzy_Butts @cummies @opal @bitterblossom @rats just buy cough syrup
pour it in your soda

boom
wock drink

@prouddegenerate @opal @bitterblossom @cummies @rats absolutely fucking not cough syrup in the states is not codeine

@Jazzy_Butts @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate @rats crazy how in countries with otc opioids they are suddenly way less of a social issue than in the usa

@bitterblossom @opal @Jazzy_Butts @prouddegenerate yall got access to kava? ive lived near kava bars and that stuff really chilled me out to drink

failing that cbd is good

fuck thc though

@rats @prouddegenerate @opal @bitterblossom I should get some, I haven't used it in a long time but it helped.

@rats I stopped using it because I hated the tea taste and the tea was the only way that worked well for me that I had tried

@rats @Jazzy_Butts @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate i love thc

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I view opiates as a valuable tool, and a dangerous enemy. If they are not played with, they are good. Chinese had a saying, a man who smokes opium more than 3 times a day is an addict. People have used opium for thousands of years functionally, it wasn't until corporate pieces of shit started pushing it that it became a problem, and now the pendulum has swung too far in response. Opiates are not a cureall, but they are also not the devil.

@Jazzy_Butts @opal you have some major anxiety then
and this is coming from me, the king of being anxious and panicking

@prouddegenerate @Jazzy_Butts i have anxiety as well but yeah going outside really helps me

@opal @Jazzy_Butts the sun on my skin and the outside air is really nice at just decompressing you from being inside all day

@prouddegenerate @Jazzy_Butts been very overcast here lately :c still nice in its own way but i miss the sun

@opal @prouddegenerate I have the irrational fear that if I'm not under cover, I am exposed and vulnerable to attack, and that's too risky for me. I know normal people aren't like this, I know I used to not be like this.

@Jazzy_Butts @opal maybe music could help

Never heard of panicking after a few seconds of being outside

@prouddegenerate @opal @Jazzy_Butts I have, I struggle with agoraphobia, so I at least know what you're going through here

at least for me it was, like: I was very mentally unstable and I knew how to care for myself when I was in my apartment, and the second I left my apartment I was totally unsure how I would react if thing x, y, z happened and it felt like skydiving without a parachute

@Jazzy_Butts @opal @prouddegenerate can you remember when it changed? the why, if there's an identifiable one, would be important to think of

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate It changed after my ex threatened me with inprisonment and abandonment after I confessed to him that I was very depressed and didn't want to live anymore, and that I wanted help talking about these feelings. He started screaming, said "I've LOST people!!!", and then told me to "Get the fuck out". I was blindsided. I was shattered. And then I was filled with hate and anger, and the sense that no matter who I meet they will betray me.

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate but the real final nail in the coffin was when my transgirl rebound gf made fun of me for having loli hentai and I was just like, you know what, done, go away, enjoy your life, I'm done with this shit.

@Jazzy_Butts @tarperfume @opal another sterling example of coming out as a map is always extremely fucking dangerous and harmful, no matter who it's to, something that ape mythebe cannot comprehend

As tone deaf as this is, you need to learn to move past this somehow, you can't live your entire fucking life convinced everyone is out to get you

Suicide or prison is the end of that road

@prouddegenerate @opal @tarperfume I didn't even come out to him, he never knew, he was just mad that I would dare come to him for support.

@Jazzy_Butts @opal @tarperfume Damn that sucks even more

@Jazzy_Butts @opal @prouddegenerate of all ways people tend to make someone considering suicide about themselves this is one of the most egregious ones jesus christ

did you ever talk about it with anyone else after this? i imagine not, but i ask cause the response you might have gotten could be different, and that might restore some faith in you

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I talked to my mom about it recently, and that helped, but no one else.

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate And I guess now I'm talking publicly about it, which is kind of a big step

@Jazzy_Butts @prouddegenerate yea! it can't just be bouncing around your head it'll drive you mad

@tarperfume @Jazzy_Butts it'll scramble up your brain n become a vicious cycle