I don't talk to other people, I just stay in my home all day long. It's been like this for years. You guys are all I got.
@opal I'm scared to, I'm scared of random events, and I'm scared of groups of normies
Just go outside and breath in the fresh air for a bit
@prouddegenerate @opal Ok just went into my front yard to breathe, I got anxious and went back in.
i would wait until night, say eleven or so, and go for a walk. pick a corner store near you or something, make the goal to go there, buy a snack/drink, and then go home while consuming it.
@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate There's a place a mile away but I can't even ride my bike anymore because my body hurts from old broken bones and pain pills are viewed as bad here in nazi America, anything that gives goypigs relief is viewed as bad, since goypigs are supposed to suffer. I'm not going to go score pills on the street either because I don't want to get ripped off or arrested.
that'll numb the pain
@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I even got a card back when that was a thing to do, opioids help more and don't make me unable to focus. Pot is great for the mind and minor pain, but when shit gets real the poppy is king.
better to be in pain and miserable bitching than have that shit melt your brain and open you up as a target for the fbi to groom in their next false flag op.
Morphine is one of the most effective painkillers but also so addictive
the only working painkiller i had that wasn't problematic wasnt even a pain killer.
some muscle relaxant i got for busting my back worked real fucking good while until my scrip ran out.
@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate Muscle relaxers make my mouth very dry, I would use them if not for that. It's intolerable because I already have throat problems, if I was in better condition I could probably stand it.
@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I am science minded not feels minded, so I am very strict with myself compared to normies, that's why even though I love opiates more than anything I never became addicted and I never became dependent and I never put my safety at risk to aquire them. I have skip days that I'm not allowed to miss when I have pills, I can do it, I can manage with this medicine in ways most can't, the docs just refuse to believe me. I've been dealing with this for 10 years so I'm time tested not just talking out my butt.
opioid maintenance is considered medically beneficial, and its literally just taking safer opioids to prevent fent laced bullshit
not doing od bait doses and setting rules for yourself are ways to keep yourself safe, and if it does get too crazy theres always ways to cut back
@cummies @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate When I was young I had it for wizard reasons but I never figured on doing it regularly. But once I got hurt and things started compounding as the years went on, experience taught me exactly what I needed.
@cummies @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate I got some from a doc, and then some more from an rn when I ran out. This is the first time they've finally given me the pills I asked for instead of just giving me relaxers and sending me to pt and chastising my lifestyle (of which they are ignorant to, because they do not ask, they simply say to do more and sit down less, which is patronizing af). I have my first appointment with a real pain mngmt doc next month and so hopefully they understand wtf they're looking at and that pills will help, not hurt me.
i mean this in the most non-patronizing way i can, but do you have a bike? for me, getting into cycling was really valuable because it sat right at the intersection of a number of important things:
1. gave me some exercise regularly which helped in and of itself
2. riding a bike randomly around the neighborhood / city is a lot more fun than walking, gets you comfortable with the environment, gets you used to being outside and actually existing in a place
3. i don't have a car, so biking made me feel a lot more able to do things. can impulsively go across town to get something from the sandwich place i like, because riding is faster than walking, and you can be in total control of the situation unlike with public transit
4. if "something bad" happens, eg brain spiral / accident / scary situation, i was 100% confident i could get away from it and make it home or somewhere quiet and isolated if i was on a bike, as opposed to walking or being stuck on public transit
bikes aren't for everyone, esp considering your own mobility and the nature of wherever you live, but something /like this/ where you can have a hobby that empowers you and makes other things seem more within-reach could help a lot
@rats I literally cycled every day last year before my pain became debilitating. I really do need the pills. Or I literally can't do much. It's a pain disorder, because of shattered bones that healed wrong and slowly pull things apart. It's like a glacier, slow pace, big mass.
that's really brutal, friend.
i don't have the pain aspect but i do have the intense anxiety and the intense agoraphobia. tonight im kind of flattened but i'm here to talk about it if you ever need
a few of my exes have been ex-addicts of opioids and navigating that seems fucking horrible. like one was on suboxone and it sure seemed like it was barely helping & just made the situation even more "tiger by the tail"
on the other hand kratom seems to actually genuinely help and not just be big pharma shit continuing to ride addicts for everything theyre worth
@rats I'm not a recreational user though
@rats It's ok, I understand
@rats I didn't mean to sound rude, just that the only people I've seen get that bad were using not for physical pain but spiritual pain, which opiates will not help with.
i dont think pharma maintenance is a bad thing at all, a steady and safe supply thats harder to abuse and available for life does a ton to help some people (and some will not be helped by maintenance meds too, but nothing works for everyone)
just read a lot of stories of it saving lives, but it makes sense it doesnt help some
the biggest issue is big pharma and medical costs in the usa
@cummies @opal @bitterblossom @prouddegenerate @rats The USA is a niggerstate because in canada I could buy Codeine over the counter without a prescription. My tolerance is weak, codeine would be the syrup of the gods to me.
pour it in your soda
boom
wock drink
@prouddegenerate @opal @bitterblossom @cummies @rats absolutely fucking not cough syrup in the states is not codeine
u might be thinking of lean's cough syrup which is a prescription codeine + promethazine combination thats wayyy too expensive.
dxm is one of the only things i found was actually substantially addictive, never tried codeine tho
failing that cbd is good
fuck thc though
@rats @prouddegenerate @opal @bitterblossom I should get some, I haven't used it in a long time but it helped.
@rats I stopped using it because I hated the tea taste and the tea was the only way that worked well for me that I had tried
@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I view opiates as a valuable tool, and a dangerous enemy. If they are not played with, they are good. Chinese had a saying, a man who smokes opium more than 3 times a day is an addict. People have used opium for thousands of years functionally, it wasn't until corporate pieces of shit started pushing it that it became a problem, and now the pendulum has swung too far in response. Opiates are not a cureall, but they are also not the devil.
and this is coming from me, the king of being anxious and panicking
@opal @prouddegenerate I have the irrational fear that if I'm not under cover, I am exposed and vulnerable to attack, and that's too risky for me. I know normal people aren't like this, I know I used to not be like this.
Never heard of panicking after a few seconds of being outside
at least for me it was, like: I was very mentally unstable and I knew how to care for myself when I was in my apartment, and the second I left my apartment I was totally unsure how I would react if thing x, y, z happened and it felt like skydiving without a parachute
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate It changed after my ex threatened me with inprisonment and abandonment after I confessed to him that I was very depressed and didn't want to live anymore, and that I wanted help talking about these feelings. He started screaming, said "I've LOST people!!!", and then told me to "Get the fuck out". I was blindsided. I was shattered. And then I was filled with hate and anger, and the sense that no matter who I meet they will betray me.
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate but the real final nail in the coffin was when my transgirl rebound gf made fun of me for having loli hentai and I was just like, you know what, done, go away, enjoy your life, I'm done with this shit.
As tone deaf as this is, you need to learn to move past this somehow, you can't live your entire fucking life convinced everyone is out to get you
Suicide or prison is the end of that road
@prouddegenerate @opal @tarperfume I didn't even come out to him, he never knew, he was just mad that I would dare come to him for support.
did you ever talk about it with anyone else after this? i imagine not, but i ask cause the response you might have gotten could be different, and that might restore some faith in you
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I talked to my mom about it recently, and that helped, but no one else.
@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate And I guess now I'm talking publicly about it, which is kind of a big step
