YZZAJ @Jazzy_Butts@gameliberty.club

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I feel powerless and need to figure out a way to get my feeling of power back without dominating and controlling another, because while that would probably work it would invalidate my moral standing. It would be wrong.

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I suppose you're right

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate Yea, I've trained myself into things before, so I can, I just have to get hope again, a goal to fight for, and I'll be out there. But I just don't see any goals. Everything I want, I'm not allowed to have, so I just stand still, motionless in life, waiting for authority to give me permission to live again.

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate And I guess now I'm talking publicly about it, which is kind of a big step

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I am science minded not feels minded, so I am very strict with myself compared to normies, that's why even though I love opiates more than anything I never became addicted and I never became dependent and I never put my safety at risk to aquire them. I have skip days that I'm not allowed to miss when I have pills, I can do it, I can manage with this medicine in ways most can't, the docs just refuse to believe me. I've been dealing with this for 10 years so I'm time tested not just talking out my butt.

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate Muscle relaxers make my mouth very dry, I would use them if not for that. It's intolerable because I already have throat problems, if I was in better condition I could probably stand it.

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate I talked to my mom about it recently, and that helped, but no one else.

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I view opiates as a valuable tool, and a dangerous enemy. If they are not played with, they are good. Chinese had a saying, a man who smokes opium more than 3 times a day is an addict. People have used opium for thousands of years functionally, it wasn't until corporate pieces of shit started pushing it that it became a problem, and now the pendulum has swung too far in response. Opiates are not a cureall, but they are also not the devil.

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate I even got a card back when that was a thing to do, opioids help more and don't make me unable to focus. Pot is great for the mind and minor pain, but when shit gets real the poppy is king.

@prouddegenerate @opal @tarperfume I didn't even come out to him, he never knew, he was just mad that I would dare come to him for support.

@bitterblossom @opal @prouddegenerate There's a place a mile away but I can't even ride my bike anymore because my body hurts from old broken bones and pain pills are viewed as bad here in nazi America, anything that gives goypigs relief is viewed as bad, since goypigs are supposed to suffer. I'm not going to go score pills on the street either because I don't want to get ripped off or arrested.

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate but the real final nail in the coffin was when my transgirl rebound gf made fun of me for having loli hentai and I was just like, you know what, done, go away, enjoy your life, I'm done with this shit.

@tarperfume @opal @prouddegenerate It changed after my ex threatened me with inprisonment and abandonment after I confessed to him that I was very depressed and didn't want to live anymore, and that I wanted help talking about these feelings. He started screaming, said "I've LOST people!!!", and then told me to "Get the fuck out". I was blindsided. I was shattered. And then I was filled with hate and anger, and the sense that no matter who I meet they will betray me.

@opal @prouddegenerate I have the irrational fear that if I'm not under cover, I am exposed and vulnerable to attack, and that's too risky for me. I know normal people aren't like this, I know I used to not be like this.

@prouddegenerate @opal Ok just went into my front yard to breathe, I got anxious and went back in.

@opal I'm scared if I give my real opinion about anything sus the normies will just grin like psychopaths and start knifing me to death while cackling

@opal I'm scared to, I'm scared of random events, and I'm scared of groups of normies